When I was growing up, my brothers and sister and I were raised by two very loving parents whose lives yet stand today as shining examples of sincerity, work ethic, and principled behavior. However, rather than encouraging us to develop a sense of autonomy or giving us opportunities to make independent decisions, they tended to emphasize obedience and self-conscious Christian guilt as the key features of a dynamic that may have indirectly led to a lack of the type of experiential learning that often is associated with goal-setting, exercising of executive function capabilities, and the development of a strong sense of self-confidence and deep-seated self-efficacy for handling decision-making challenges in unanticipated and unpredictable situations that are so frequently encountered in real life.

For young people in such controlled environments where compliance with prescriptive instruction is reinforced and divergent thinking is discouraged, the transition to independence and adulthood can be very, very bumpy and even traumatic. My older brother and our sister, the first born, went through stages of rebellion starting in high school and continuing through their college years, as they stood up for themselves and fought for their rights to make up their own minds about how to live their lives. These were emotionally-charged struggles and have had lasting effects on John and Beth, who (now in their late 60s) occasionally will express resentment of our parents' repressive influence over them, even as it has been now 45 years since their violent and sudden deaths in the crash of our small family airplane.

I was almost 17 when my folks died, and of course it was a pivotal moment in my life. My father and I had had one conversation about my college plans a few months before that event, and I had tentatively expressed the proposal that, just like most of my friends, I ought to have been making up my own mind about where to attend college, instead of it being determined by my folks that I would go to Geneva College, the school affiliated with the Reformed Presbyterian Church, our family's chosen denomination. My dad simply said, "You get that thought out of your mind." And magically the idea of me choosing a college myself literally disappeared. Then, in October of my senior year in high school, both of my parents were taken from me by destiny, and with little guidance and complete and sudden freedom of choice, I began taking my first steps and venturing out into life on my own.

Fast-forward to the past several days, here in December, 2020, and my youngest son's approach to his first big decision in life: which of six or seven offers of football scholarships to accept and where he would start his own college experience. We visited only three schools -- Dakota Wesleyan in Mitchell, South Dakota; Bethel College in Newton, Kansas; and Peru State in Peru, Nebraska -- and you would be hard-pressed to find enough logical distinctions among these three schools that would enable a person to make a purely intellectual choice.

My wife and I were determined to support our son, respect his control over this decision-making process, and embrace this big moment in his life. Yesterday, at the Peru State College visit, William John Scott suddenly became a little quieter and more serious and stayed behind after lunch to speak privately with Justin Barnes, a graduate assistant at the college who coaches defensive backs for the football team and who made the initial outreach effort to Bill some months ago. A few minutes later, they found us over near a trophy case where the official tour and visit for seven or eight families that day was ending.

"I've made my decision," said Bill, "I have commited to Peru State." In several more seconds, the four of us were joined in a nearby room by the head coach, Casey Creehan, who told us how happy they were to have Bill as part of the Bobcat family. I stated that I was proud of my son and that our family was very happy with the way this visit had turned out. Bill's mother, still recovering from her surprise at how quickly, quietly, and suddenly the decision had happened, stated that we had wanted it to be completely up to Bill and that we supported him 100 percent. A few very nice pictures were taken, and our family headed out to the car, accompanied by Coach "J.B." Barnes, who again welcomed us and Bill to the Peru State family and the team.

Ten minutes later, we stopped at a gas station / convenience store in nearby Auburn, Nebraska, with our family still making sense of this wonderful experience. It's about a four and a half hour drive from Peru to Hays, and for much of it I was the only person awake. My mind went over the thinking process that a person follows as they develop an idea, explore alternatives, consider the possible implications, and then enter into that calm state in which a conclusion is reached as the decision coalesces in harmony. Each person -- if given sufficient opportunity and ideal conditions -- begins to show his or her personal style in the approach to a seemingly endless series of decisions like these throughout a lifetime.

When my son awakened from his nap, I made a point of thanking him for allowing his mother and me to be a part of and to witness this special moment. As the car glided along I-70 west of Salina through the darkness, the three of us contemplated what a nice day this was.

Report by Robb Scott
editor@multilingualadaptive.net

2021 The Multilingual Adaptive Systems Newsletter